We’re talking about that list of tours highlighting bands and artists like Alicia Keys, Jack Johnson and The Black Crowes that appears to your left on our home page under the aptly named title “Tours Du Jour.” Who decides which tour goes on the list, how long should it last, and when should it be removed?

To be honest, we didn’t know ourselves. Like many megacorporations, Pollstar.com is nothing if not compartmentalized, with various departments not only functioning independently onto themselves, but also acting in a totally clueless environment in regards to the overall big picture. Therefore, we struck out on a quest to determine how certain tours, like the Brian Wilson or Jimmy Buffett, achieve that special, Pollstar.com listing of honor.

We started with our Webmaster, who had just returned from seeing a special screening of Heaven’s Gate: The Director’s Cut at our local movie house. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any answers, but he did point us towards the VIP lounge, figuring that only the top execs in the company would be part of the decision-making process when spotlighting tours by Nine Inch Nails or Tori Amos.

However, like most days, all the execs were out to lunch when we visited, and on that day they were taking in a marathon screening of all seven Police Academy movies. So we headed down the hallway to Pollstar.com’s department of middle managers, thinking that the people responsible for maintaining a steady supply of popcorn and Tylenol in the vending machines, keeping our restrooms stocked with toilet paper, and our water coolers filled with Boones Farm and Ripple, might be able to shed some light on how, say, Motley Crue made the list, or who decided how long Sting should remain in the lineup. However, they were caught up in an argument as to which thespian was the best actress in Showgirls, and were way too busy to answer our questions.

Our next stop was the office of Pollstar.com’s director of human resources. After all, we figured that the person responsible for hiring the men and women that make up the most excellent data entry staff which brings you dates for bands and artists like Umphrey’s McGee and Toby Keith would definitely know who makes up the daily Tours Du Jour listing. However, she was smack dab in the middle of reading the novelization of Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!, and instead had us make an appointment to speak with her next sometime next week.

But we needed answers today. And since Pollstar.com is nothing if not a total, capitalistic endeavor, we trucked on down the corridor to our sales department, figuring that the folks who stoke the money machine that enables the listing of tours, such as Rick Springfield or John Mellencamp, would know how Michael Buble and Elvis Costello made the Tours Du Jour listings. Unfortunately, we picked the same day that the sales manager had chosen to motivate his staff with a series of movies, including Leonard Part 6, Plan 9 From Outer Space and Speed 2: Cruise Control, and didn’t have the time to satisfy our curiosity.

Finally, we made our way to the employee recreation center, where we found our director of entertainment, philosophy and mind expansion (who doubles as our box office editor), adding several new movies, including The Postman, Battlefield Earth, Gigli and Catwoman, to our already enormous video tape collection. But he just murmured something along the lines of “Sorry, can’t help you,” and went back to reading the liner notes for Howard The Duck.

Now, we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that, despite all of our research, we’re not going to be able to come up with an answer as to how new tours, such as Duran Duran or Dave Matthews Band, are selected for the highly coveted spot otherwise known as Pollstar.com’s Tours Du Jour. But after all of our travels from department to department; after all of our interviewing, investigating and interrogating, we realized that the answer is quite obvious once you stop to think about the question. How do certain tours appear under our Tours Du Jour banner? It’s simple, really.

For when all is said and done, it all boils down to our obviously good taste in entertainment. Now, what did we do with our William Hung CD?