“And I’m Sid!”

“We’re Sid and Nancy, the happiest married couple in the world.”

“And do you know what keeps a couple like us together? You tell them, Nancy.”

“Be glad to, Sid. The answer is concerts.”

“Nancy’s right, folks. A good show, like Cher or Patty Griffin, is what marriage is all about.”

“Well, wait a minute, Sid. I was thinking more along the lines of Michael Bolton and Kottonmouth Kings.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nancy. We discussed this earlier, and we agreed that I’d pick the bands.”

“You mean, like you picked your nose all through that Kenny Loggins concert last week? That was the most disgusting thing I ever saw.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, at least I wasn’t passing gas during Wayne Newton’s encore.”

“Heck, Sid, the way you were eyeing that cute little usherette all night, I’m surprised you even noticed.”

“I wasn’t eyeing her, Nancy. I just thought I’d seen her before. Maybe at Hatebreed or Keb’ Mo’.”

“Yeah, right, you lying sack of crap. Sometimes I wonder why I ever married you.”

“That’s an easy one, Nancy. We both love concerts.”

“That’s right. Shows like Taj Mahal, Rachelle Ferrell and Static-X.”

“Ain’t that the truth? Yes, folks, we’re the happiest married couple in the world and next week Nancy and I are going to see Adema.”

“And I suppose you’ll start clapping as soon as the band goes on stage.”

“And what if I do? If it feels good, why hold it in?”

“You were clapping all the way through Michael McDonald, Rick Derringer and Jonny Lang. You just can’t wait until the ending, can you? Isn’t that just like a man?”

“There you go again, Nancy. You’re always nagging me about something.”

“That’s because there’s so much to pick on. I swear, the way you plowed through those concessions at Bonnie Raitt and Pulse Ultra, it’s a wonder you can even buckle your belt.”

“You never complained about that before we got married.”

“That’s because we were to busy seeing Steel Pulse, Willie Nelson and Robben Ford.”

“Oh, those were great shows.”

“Yes, Sid, I’ll have to agree with you. Those were fantastic shows. I just love going to concerts.”

“And I love going to shows with you, Nancy.”

“That’s because a good show, like Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and Dee Dee Ramone, is the cement that bonds those marriage vows together.”

“Take it from us, folks.”

“A healthy marriage depends on concerts.”

“So, be sure to see all the shows you can, like Tom Tom Club and Al Green.”

“And Poison The Well, Richard Thompson and Rush.”

“And someday, if you’re lucky…”

“You’ll end up just like us!”