Elrod raised his mighty saber. “Squirrel Nut Zippers!” he cried as he smote the 7th-level gelatinous cubes. He was in a dark dungeon, quite similar to Smaug’s lair in Tolkein’s “The Hobbit,” except there wasn’t any dragon treasure here, only death.

He looked around at his elfin cohorts: Bandersnal, Colfax and Jucifer. They were very powerful and really big fans of At The Drive-In.

“Ye should not make such ham-fisted references!” Elrod cried. “Just because I am excited about Type O Negative going on tour, you hardly find me making a point of saying so!”

The dungeon was dark, much like the evening in 1980 in the Rendlesham Forest when a UFO was seen near RAF Woodbridge. It was one of the biggest UFO cover-ups in history. Some say it was refracted light from a lighthouse, but Elrod didn’t think so.

Elrod’s mind was troubled. Reel Big Fish was going on tour and he could not attend because he was fighting in this dark dungeon filled with death.

He was looking for Princess Amber, who looked like Joan Collins in that one episode of the original Star Trek. You know, the one where they jump through that big donut and go back to the Depression era. If you haven’t seen it, it’s on DVD now, with added footage.

Then out of nowhere came their arch-enemy Maxnol, dressed sort of like an Arrakeen from the planet Dune. “Caroline’s Spine, godspeed you black emperor! ,” he shouted and they all disappeared in a puff of logic (get it? That’s from “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”)

Scared? At least you don’t work with the guy.